Just before his death from cancer, Senator Ted Kennedy, long a boating fan and a long time resident of a seaside compound, appointed himself an Admiral in the United States Navy. the 74 year old drunk, womanizer, and multi-millionaire who was kicked out of the military when he was younger, took command of a restored Navy ship stationed in Boston Harbor.

His flagship was the USS Oldsmobile, a recently converted WWII Liberty ship. the ‘Admiral’ cruised with a compliment of seventy-five Navy sailors, six cooks, a tailor, a master bartender, and a political weather man to tell him ‘which way the wind blows’….Strangely the crew was strictly female only!

On board was the Navy’s first fully staffed liquor lounge and a strip dancer stage complete with a pole and strobe lights. it had a ‘no firearms’ policy and will not carry any arms at all except a few swords on loan by the Smithstonian Museum.

It had a working UNOTO-15 Universal translator that had the capacity to broadcast surrender messages in 178 different languages. France had donated a chest full of extra ‘hero’ medals and a complete set of white flags.

Not to be outdone, Congressman Barney Frank (D-Ma), congressman, pervert, and little boy lover, appointed himself a ‘Rear Admiral’ and Commissioned the USS Boys Town as his flagship. it too was stationed in Boston.

Rear Admiral Frank promised to challenge the Senator to a race him up the Potomac River in the spring and to see if Admiral Kennedy’s crew was any match against the Rear Admiral’s specially trained marine ‘Rump Rangers,’ but Kennedy passed away first.

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